Wireless Dog Collar, Cell Phone and a Husband

My husband loves his time outdoors. Its relaxing, unwinding, a chance to blabber on the phone and just water plants, which is about the extent of his domestic duty. And that’s when the plant gets lucky.

Our dogs just love any of our family outdoors. In fact, if you come over they will be so excited to see you and more than happy to keep you company outdoors. Anywhere, anytime, they don’t care if you water the plants but pretty please just throw the tennis ball every two minutes and you have a new best friend (times 3).

So begins the invisible fence.  Our Golden Retrievers have wireless collars because if they didn’t, every jolly jogger would compel at least one of our dogs to escort her/him up the street or each neighborhood canine friend walking past would be accosted to play ball. Our dogs are the overly assertive sorority sisters on the street. Wireless radio collars work wonders.

Dinner was cooking on a rare night when I made it home early and Hubby pulled in the driveway. The retrievers had been begging to run around outside though I hadn’t yet had the chance to take them so I opened the doors and let the dogs out knowing (hoping) Hubby would keep an eye on them. They had their collars on so they couldn’t go far.  A little while later I noticed Hubby was still on the phone, holding the hose, watering the flowers and shrubs. Retrievers bouncing across the yard in play. Ahhh….

Our eldest dog, Sophie, who is my husbands “baby,” always scratches at her collar and my husband always takes it off. Usually its while we are watching tv. She had waddled outside after the other bouncing pair and laid down.

Chatting away on his cell, Hubby notices Sophie is scratching. He’s lost interest in watering, and while chatting away on his cell phone, comes over, unclips Sophie’s collar and tucks it in his pant pocket. I giggle thinking of possible consequenses but wash my hands and chop carrots.

When I glance up, hubby is walking to the mailbox, “Blah blah blah.”

My giggle from earlier catches in my throat and I stumble trying to decide if the garage or front door is closer. Front.

I did not see Hubby cross the Invisible Fence perimeter at the mailbox. But I heard him. The actual incident had plenty of eyewitnesses: a neighbor, lawnman and children playing nearby and attracted more.

When I yanked open the front door, hubby was gyrating at the end of our driveway, screaming obscenities and smacking his pants, cell phone still in hand, which I have learned may or may not have effected the current depending on which expert one consults but definatley contributed to the event cause.

The lawnman approached tenatively from our neighbors yard. A few neighbors appeared on doorsteps. The children just stood pointing.

“AAAGGGH. HOLY MOTHER OF @@@@, F$####S$$$, WHAT THE F###,” Hubby exclaimed and then paused as he gyrated into the street out of the boundary. Clearly puzzled, he walked straight back to the driveway and #ZAP# as he reached the perimeter boundary of the Invisible Fence, the forgotten collar in his pant pocket. “Holy S#@@, #@@@, What the?!!! I’ll ###### call you back.”

I couldn’t scream that far and be heard. I just text: “Take dog collar out of pocket.”

Nice lawnman apparently asked if he was okay about the time Hubby received text. I saw the dog collar fly toward the garage. Lawnman just laughed and strolled away.

Hubby rarely takes the dog collars off the dogs anymore and the flowers rarely get watered. But his private part hasn’t been #ZAPPED# again either so I suppose its a truce.

New disclaimer: Placing radio-sensitive dog collar in your pants pocket may cause discomfort if certain boundaries are crossed.

FYI: Radio fence such as Invisible Fence is considered a fixture and transfers with the home unless the contract specifies otherwise.



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s